Brian Bilston Pedantry


Foot soldiers in the War on Error,
They’re here to save us from ourselves,
With Fowler’s Modern English Usage
(first edition, nineteen twelve).
They scrutinise each word we write
For typos, gaffes, et cetera,
Correcting all the dumb mistakes
To make our grammar betterer.
They sigh and tut and tell us off
For the rules we have forsaken
And chart this nation’s steep decline
By the care we should of taken.
Custodians of the King’s English,
They merely serve to keep it pure
And restrict, they hope, the ignorant
To three mistakes or less.
And in doing so, they hold no fear
They will deprive a thing of life:
For it’s not important what is said,
What matters is that its right.

The Pedents' Revolt

Its not eazy being a pedent
correcting others’ mis-takes all daylong
My freinds and me are totally sic
of observing gramma witch has gone wrong.

“Whom are these language offenders”?,
“could it be that I maybe one, to”
Their ignorant; stupid, and careless:
off gramma they have’nt a clue.

They’re speling is sutch an embarrasment
its’ amature, wired, and, abserd,
comprized of neither thought or intelligance,
to a dictionary they should of refered.

Writing down there awkwardly formed sentences,
the participle clauses are left dangling.
just made one less mistake each would have the affect
to dramatically reduce this language mangling.